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Help
For Your Parents
 Young
adults have a variety of reactions to learning that their
parent has MS. It's not unusual to feel shock, denial, guilt,
anger or frustration, and helpless.
Shock 
 Any
major change, such as illness, moving to a new home or school,
or divorce, can have an impact on you. Some of you may be
very surprised and shocked when you are told that your parent
has MS, especially if you have not noticed any obvious symptoms.
At the onset of MS, the symptoms are frequently invisible,
like loss of vision, fatigue and numbness. Often you may
find yourself wondering, "Why is this happening to
my family?" Although you may want to keep these feelings
to yourself, it is important to express them to someone
you trust, like your other parent, an adult friend, teacher,
or close neighbour.
Denial
Shock
is often followed by denial. After the announcement of the
disease, it is quite normal for young people to pretend
that nothing has really happened. You may not want to ask
questions or mention it to your friends because you think
doing so may make the disease a reality. In your mind, you
may think if you ignore it, maybe it will go away! Denying
that your parent is ill may temporarily alleviate the painful
emotions that you will eventually have to deal with, for
example, guilt.
Guilt
Perhaps
you thought your parent was faking it or looking for attention
when they complained about being exhausted even though you
knew they had a good night's sleep. It may be hard to believe
it when they say they are having difficulty seeing when
you saw them reading a book the day before. Now that you
know these are symptoms of MS, you may have overwhelming
feelings of guilt. It's important to realize that you didn't
know. How could you have? It is difficult for a doctor to
make a diagnosis, let alone a young person without medical
training.
You
have to give yourself time and understanding to adjust to
this new situation. Also, remember you did not do anything
to cause your parent's MS. It is not your fault!
Anger
 Anger
and frustration are very frequent in families affected by
a chronic illness. Who wouldn't be angry? Your whole life
has been turned upside-down now that your parent has been
diagnosed with MS. Life as you know it no longer exists.
Before
the diagnosis you may have had a lot of time to spend with
your friends either on the phone or hanging out at the mall.
Now your time may be more limited because of the extra demands
on you, such as helping out around the house. This may lead
you to feel angry and cheated - you just want to be a normal
teenager.
Other
things that can contribute to your feelings of anger and
frustration include cancelled activities, reduced family
income, hospitalization, and some loss of one or both parents'
attention because of the focus on MS. You also may feel
that your parent has let you down by not being healthy and
strong for you. It's important for you to realize that you
are entitled to be angry, but you have to find a healthy
way to express these feelings that is healthy. For example,
you may want to discuss these feelings openly and honestly
with your family and deal with them together.
If you'd
like to talk to someone about how you feel, you can always
call the MS Society.
Helplessness
MS is
an unpredictable disease. You never know from one day to
the next what the disease may bring. The nature of this
disease brings with it a sense of helplessness. You may
feel powerless in controlling your family's life. It is
difficult to make long-range plans, as you do not know what
your parent might be feeling like at that time. Over time,
you will get used to the ups and downs that come with MS
and become more flexible in your responses to the difficult
times.
Your
Needs are important!
Things
are going to be tough but you still need to take care of
yourself - make time for friends, schoolwork, extracurricular
activities, and rest. You also need to eat a balanced diet
and exercise. Just because someone in your family has MS,
it does not mean that your needs are not important - Remember
that!
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